you and me, we're just fine
by Mae'side
Summary: Set after 5x04; "Oh God, I feel like I'm going insane." Matt/Emily; Becker/Jess. Because sometimes, you just need someone to make you feel safe.


Emily

Almost immediately after her friend had woken up, her head cradled in Emily's arms, she'd decided to stay with her, just for the night. _She shouldn't be alone after this_, she told Matt, conveniently leaving out her own reasons for craving company of a friend. She did not want him to worry. But the fact remained that after she'd returned with him to this time – the one that didn't really belong to either of them – the storm in her head had not lessened, as she'd hoped it would. Instead, the wind just swirled around the flames that burned, and didn't really soothe the panic she held so close to her chest.

Matt looked at her closely, his eyes scrutinizing the emotions that lay behind her words. She was sure he could see right through her if she allowed only the slightest crack to appear in her façade. _Be strong,_ she told herself. _You cannot lose him._

"Come home soon?"

She nodded before sliding into the backseat, receiving Jess' weakened body with open arms; cuddling her close, like the baby sister she'd once had, in a distant life. So long ago.

Becker started the engine of Jess' cute little car, and kept glancing at them in the rear-view mirror; desperately hoping no one noticed how he cared. _They were both_ _pretenders_, she thought, and smiled at him in reassurance. Emily didn't catch Matt's eyes before the car left the parking lot, but she imagined him watching the car disappear, taking her with it. His figure would grow smaller with every second that passed, the distance growing between them until there was nothing more than a blip on the horizon. He'd miss her, maybe.

Tired eyes glanced up at her. "Are you okay?" Jess was still weak, her voice cracking on those last syllables.

Emily stroked her hair gently. "I'm fine." She smiled. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Oh." A sad expression flitted across her face; Emily knew she was thinking about Becker, and about another-missed-chance-_maybe_. "I'll be okay."

Matt

There was something…something in her eyes that sent a spike right through his heart. The way she looked at him, _right through him_, it was as if she wasn't even here anymore. Gone somewhere, where he couldn't reach her, couldn't see. If he were honest, he had not seen the woman he'd cared for so deeply - too much, almost - since the moment he had ordered her to leave; not really. His words had seemed sugarcoated then, softening the blow. More than that, they had appeared to be the right thing to say to keep her safe. Away from him; away from all the danger he brought with him. She deserved better. And he had broken her heart.

He'd thought about her every day since then. Selfishly, he hadn't wanted to let go of the one true thing in his life, even if he had been the one to drive her away. Before she'd come along, his whole life had evolved around his mission. But she'd found the cracks in his armour, and she'd pried them open with her smile. With her…her _Emily-ness_.

He felt a strange desire to run after her, pull her close and keep her. He'd hold her until she melted into his arms – until she sobbed until his shirt was drenched, for all he cared. Anything to keep her from leaving.

The apartment was too empty without her. The soft evening light streamed in through the large windows, making the room look even larger. Matt walked around aimlessly, the sound of his bare feet on the hardwood floor a soft _tap_; her voice nowhere to be heard. He craved her presence so badly it hurt. Snatching his car keys from the counter, he walked back out into the cold September air.

His fingers reached for the cell in his coat pocket and he dialed the first number he could think of.  
>"Becker, it's me. I need a drink. You interested?"<p>

Emily

"So, really…" Jess sat down next to her on the couch, her legs curled beneath her and a steaming mug of hot chocolate pressed between her hands. "I can tell something's wrong.."

_Too soon_, she thought. _Not yet._ "Becker was really worried about you."

Jess grinned at her. "Okay, I'll bite." She laughed. "But don't think for even a split second that we're done talking about you."

It felt amazing to be around her. Back home, Emily had never had any friends, not _really._ There had only been obligations : towards her family, towards her husband. Lord Merchant had had a wide circle of politically correct alliances; men and women who spoke of nothing but business and the latest fashion. It had been a bore of incredible proportions. Listening to Jess was so much easier; her hands dancing through the air as she explained what happened between her and Becker over the last couple of hours.

"SO embarrassed," she stressed. "I think I said I hated him."

"Well, I'm sure he knows you didn't mean any of that. Honestly, Jessica – the man may be a bit dim at times, but I have a feeling he knows how you feel about him."

Jess covered her face with her hands and groaned. She grabbed a pillow and smacked herself. "I'm dead. SO dead."

Emily laughed, prying the cushion gently from her hands. "This might actually be good." She gave her friend a meaningful look. "Nothing like a near-death experience to make a man come to terms with his feelings." "I think," she added as an afterthought.

"Oh," Jess suddenly remembered. "I'm so sorry he called you 'non-essential'." She bit her lip, as if somehow it was her fault that Emily was – apparently – not considered a full member of the team yet.

"It's alright." Emily sipped her tea; hoping the warmth would get rid of the nasty feeling that had appeared at the back of her throat. "I know he didn't mean that. Your Becker's actually a nice guy."

"Hang on," Jess' eyes went wide. "I think I told him that." Before she could snatch the pillow back to bury herself in it, Emily pressed it close to her own body, loving the feel of something solid, yet so soft.

"So is _your_ Matt, by the way." Jess told her pointedly. "A nice guy, I mean."

A sigh escaped before she thought to hold it in. "To be honest, I'm not all that sure he's _my_ Matt."

"Hey," a hand came to rest on her knee, trying to reassure her, "of course he is."

Emily fought to keep the tears back, but she failed miserably. They ran across her pale cheeks, a perfect track from the middle of her eyes to the very corners of her mouth. They tasted salty against the sweetness of the tea. She hated them, despised the weakness they represented. "Damn it," she cursed. "I promised myself I wouldn't do that."

"Feel free to cry all you want." Jess motioned around her, towards her comfy flat. "This is your safe haven, okay. You don't have to pretend."

Emily wiped at her cheeks. "You really shouldn't have said that," she smiled. "Next thing you know I'm never leaving your couch."

"Fine by me!" Jess cried. "Really, Emily – you can stay for as long as you like."

"Thank you." She rested her hand atop of Jess' and took a deep breath. "It's just that – when I was back in 1868, I knew exactly who I was." She looked her friend in the eye. "I was Lady Emily Merchant, the unhappily married woman, in love with a man who would not be born for over a hundred years. As a wife, I was a disgrace to my husband. As a daughter, I'd faithfully done as I was told. At least I knew where I stood."

She took a shaky breath. "It was like a mantra, that I'd repeated over and over in my head : '_this is my home now. THIS is my home now.'_. I'd almost convinced myself I could be happy.. and then Matt came back."

"He missed you," Jess told her. "He never said – you know how he is – but everyone could see that he missed you. He wasn't just grumpy anymore. He was sad on top of that."

"But he didn't come back for me, did he?"

_No._ He hadn't. She'd just 'happened' to be there when he did his job. And all of a sudden he decided he did want her; and he wanted her to come back. "What happens when he decides he doesn't want me anymore, Jess? Who am I then?"

Jess smiled at her, and pulled her into a tight hug. "You're my friend." She whispered, close to her ear as she allowed Emily to sob into her shoulder. "You'll always be my friend."

A soft laugh sounded through the air. "I think we need something stronger than tea."

Matt

"You and me, we're idiots. Both of us."

He forgot who said the words, but only remembered that they'd both been in agreement, clinking the bottoms of the bottles together. It was pathetic, really. Here they were, in the middle of a darkened pub, surrounded by other lonely, miserable individuals, drowning their sorrows in several bottles of beer.

"Jess nearly died today," Becker said. "She nearly died."

"You should tell her how you feel, mate."

"I know." He took another swig from the bottle and glanced at Matt from the corner of his eye. The ever-persistent frown was even more apparent now. "Don't worry. Emily's in good hands."

_Yeah._ It was a very reassuring thought, and it set him at ease, if only a little. Jess was a great friend to Emily and she'd be able to deal with whatever was troubling her. The only problem was that that was supposed to his job. He was the one who should care for her, make sure she was safe. Make sure she knew she belonged here, with him.

What he planned on proposing was ridiculous, even to his own ears. But he just … needed to be closer. "D' you want to drive by Jess' place?"

Becker didn't even miss a beat. "Let's do it."

Emily

She had to say : she was feeling much better than this afternoon. Jess had made them cocktails and together they'd rifled through her romantic comedy collection ("Oh my God!" Jess had squeed. "You _have_ to watch Titanic."). Everything was perfect.

It took Jack holding Rose in his arms, sheltering her from all the world, for reality to kick in again.

"Emily?"

Emily turned her head from where it was lying on the pillow. "Hmm?"

"D' you think that moving in with me might make you feel better?" She looked so vulnerable in that moment, but so incredibly sweet… it was amazing that someone like this was in her life, and she was thankful.

"It might," she smiled a little. "But, being away from Matt…" Emily sighed. "Oh God, I feel like I'm going insane."

"Call him." Jess said. "It might make you feel better."

And she was right. It did feel good to hear his voice, saying her name as if they had been apart for weeks instead of mere hours.

_"I'm glad you called,"_ he said.

"Me too." She was beginning to sound emotional again; and she was adamant not to appear frail and fragile. Not now. "Where are you?" she asked instead.

Slight hesitation on the other side of the line made her frown. Voices speaking to each other in hushed tones, and.. "Is that Becker?" Jess' head snapped around at the mention of his name. "He's with _Becker_?"

_"Look outside your window."_

Emily motioned to her friend as they walked towards the window, peering out into the night. A car was parked on the other side of the street, it's headlights shining through the blackness. Two men stood in the path of beams of light; glancing up at their window. Emily heard her own breath catch.

"Why are you here, Matt?"

"_We were worried about you."_ He said something to Becker, who hissed his reply. _"And I missed you."_

"Oh."

Matt

_Oh?_ Not _quite_ the answer he'd been hoping for, to be honest. "Listen, Emily, I know something's wrong…" Matt took a deep breath, shivered in the midnight cold. "Please, just…"

"_I can't."_

Matt took a step closer to the apartment building; he wanted to run up all seven flights of stairs to reach her but something in her voice kept him at bay. "Emily…"

"_I don't know who I am without you," _she said, her voice a mere whisper – he had to strain to hear it. _"And that frightens me."_

Becker suddenly appeared beside him, Jess already by his side. "We're going for a walk." He nodded. _Fine._

His mind was still whirring when she continued. _"Matt, I just…"_

"Emily, can I please come up? _Please_…" he pleaded. He just needed to hold her for a little bit, be able to look into her eyes. Everything would be better then.

"_Okay."_

When he reached her, her eyes were already wet with unshed tears, and he could tell this was not a first tonight. To his great relief, she immediately walked into his embrace, burrowing her head in his shoulder. His hands snaked around her small waist to pull her closer still, then pressed a light kiss to the side of her face. "I was worried," he said.

"I'm sorry," Emily told him. "This is why I tried to hide this from you."

Matt leaned back a bit to be able to look into her eyes. "You don't ever have to hide from me…" he pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm here for you."

Hearing him say those words felt liberating, but there was still a voice in her head speaking up, screaming at her the words she tried to keep back. "What are we, Matt?" She walked away from him, needing the space between them to think clearly. Being around him made her feel so safe, but…that was part of the problem. Who was she without that, without him?

She whirred around to face him. "What if I hadn't been there, chasing the raptor? Would you've gone looking for me?"

It was then that he realised what was bothering her – and he was a fool not to have noticed before. "Emily, I knew I'd made a mistake the minute the anomaly closed," he began, "but at the time I really thought it was for your own good; I wanted you to be free of…"

"You?"

"…and the problems I brought with me, yeah." She shook her head, closing her eyes in disbelief. _How could going back to that time, to Henry, be better? _"I thought of you everyday." Matt said. "And I was not the same without you."

When she opened her eyes again, he was closer than before, and he reached out to touch her. "I was dying, knowing I'd pushed you away." He let his fingers trail along her bare arm (she wore one of Jess' adorable pyjama's) until he found her hand, intertwining their digits. "I needed you. I _still_ need you."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt that."

Emily smiled. "You know, this is starting to look a bit like one of those romantic movies Jess and I were watching."

Matt glanced at the table, noticed _Titanic_ and chuckled. "As long as there's no iceberg in sight, I think we'll be fine."

It felt like it had been a million years since the last time he'd pulled her close and she let her arms slip around his shoulders. He kissed her sweetly, pausing for a split second to allow her the choice. She responded by sighing almost unnoticeably (yet he noticed everything about her, he always had – even from the very moment he met her) and pressing her lips to his, her body completely relaxed, at ease. Safe.

"Please come home," he whispered.

She smiled, her face still close to his. "Cue the romantic music," she joked.

"Is that a _yes_?"

Her smile lit up the entire room. "Alright."

* * *

><p><em>Please let me know what you think? It would mean the world to me! <em>

_XO, as always  
>Mae'side<em>


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